I've decided I want to be healthier. I want to go on backpacking trips. I want to learn to scuba dive. I want to go rock climbing. I want to surf. The problem is, my body can't handle it right now. I am not dieting. Dieting is a bad idea for me. The last diet I went on, I ended up eating only yogurt and salad, and weighing myself twice a day. I lost weight, but I was tired and irritable and I had a headache for four months. btw, If you're fat, people only see that- they don't notice the first four sizes you lose, they constantly ask how the diet's going, and they're disappointed when you tell them you've gone off it. I am exercising more, but here's the problem: I'm scared. The last three times I rode my bike, I got hit by something someone threw from a car. Every time, I crashed my bike because of it. When I skate, people laugh when I fall down, and make jokes about earthquakes. Even if I have a visible injury, noone asks if I'm okay. They have asked me if I bleed gravy. I wear a 42F bra- They don't make sportbras for me. (Okay, they make ineffective ones) When I run, I cross my left arm over the top of my chest and pump my right arm. I know it looks funny, but it is painful if I don't. Every time I run, strangers make jokes about me. If I do anything physical in public, I am taunted and jeered and physically attacked. I've been running at night, but it scares my mom, so I'm trying to do it in the daytime. I am just so tired of this. I haven't ridden my bike in a year, and it used to be my favorite thing to do. Why do their jokes get to rob me of the things I enjoy? Why is it acceptable to laugh at me?
Sorry for the downer, I'm in a maudlin mood tonight. I'm just venting so the bastards won't see me cry. I think I'll take my bike out tomorrow- I have a shiny new helmet to test.